Photo by Riccardo Bresciani from Pexels
It’s pretty much a cloudy weekend where I live. The weather has me feeling sleepy and lazy. I’m feeling in a slump lately and I just wanted to share what’s going on. I wanted to put God first in all aspects of my life. It sure has been a ride, hitting some bumps along the way. As many of you may know, I am single. Well I’ve met some men along this journey, “christians” and it amazes me what I’ve learned.
By no means, are any christian going to be perfect. Men and women won’t have all the perfect qualities to be the perfect spouse. No one is perfect, but God. However, we can walk into Christianity, but still have brokenness which we have not healed from. When people come into your life, we have to ask God why are they here. People come into our lives for a season, reason, or a lifetime. This can be extremely confusing, if we don’t know our relationship with God. Don’t confuse people who are in your life for a season or reason, as the person who is for a lifetime. This can set you up for failure in relationship, God gives you poke to remind you, they are not the one.
Well, each time, God has brought a gentlemen and a christian into my life (I’m not out searching for a mate, I’m too focus on fulfilling Gods assignment to hunt for a man. Plus I gave God control over my love life), immediately I turn to the Lord and ask Him to reveal me the truth. I ask God to tell me what He wants me to do with this situation. As believers, we are held accountable for the way we interact with people. I pray to engage in Godly ways, even if our connection is temporarily. I pray the see God in me. However, I am not in the business of pleasing others just to gain their approval. Don’t mistake doing Godly acts as being a slave to gain other people’s approval. People will dislike you, even when you are pleasant and kind to them.
I choose to be kind, humble, and to love others because God has given me the grace to do it. I only wish to honor God, but He doesn’t want us to blindly, foolishly be a servant to others. I am not a doormat to be used. There should be a healthy balance to these sort of interactions. I am still learning how to balance it all. I tend to give people to many chances to be good, when they intend to treat me bad. In the back of my mind I feel like I can help them change (Savior mentality). Well, we all know that is not going to work. Only God has the power to speak to the hearts of people and God is the only one who can change people. Recently, I discovered some of my old habits surface. Forgiveness of the past is only one step, but the enemy knows the right buttons to push to prey on our insecurities. It shook me to the core. I reverted back to feelings of depression, overwhelming anxiety, stress, and shame. This past week, I found my sleep disrupted every night, my mind racing, and lost of breathe.
Well, God being the protector. Removed the problem and sat me down to say, “I told you He was not for you. I closed the door, but you kept trying to pry it open. Now, I will close it and you will keep it closed.” Greater is He that is in you, than he that is in the world” -1 John 4:4. I accepted Gods directive without questions or doubt. God has given me the strength to keep the door closed. Temptation is very alluring, it plays on your desperation, the flesh is weak and desperate for physical contact, for affection. I don’t want surface, temporary fixed, I want the whole blessing God has in stored for me to receive. And this last situation turned out to be a lesson and a test for me. Although, God came in boldly to remove the distraction, I learned that when God says No, it means No. I can’t change it into a Yes, because I don’t possess the power to make God give me a Yes. We have desires and wants, but God knows what we need.
image by womenlivingwell
We all make mistakes, God knows we would. We shouldn’t punish ourselves for the mistakes. God forgives and helps you to change to do better. It’s all apart of our spiritual growth. We make mistakes along the way, to learn a lesson, and to acquire new skills to do better in the next round of test we endure. But we have to put our trust in God completely. God knows I have a desire to find true love. God knows my desire to be with the man destined to be my Boaz. But I can’t ever make it happen base on my own will. If God is not in it, the entire relationship will fall into pieces. It would not bring me peace and it will not fulfill Gods plan. God has a blueprint of what He has designed for all of us. We were created for a purpose. As much as I want to be in love, I don’t possess the power to make it happen. My past has taught me this valuable lesson about letting God control my life. My abilities are limited, but God possess limitless powers, supernatural, beyond what I can produce. There is a right time for everything. God will bring the right one for me, when He feels I am ready to receive. As much as God is preparing them for me, God is also preparing me for the man He has for me. We are both being prepared by God. When it happens, God does it in surprisingly ways, which makes it all the more worth it in waiting. God loves to shower His children with gifts.
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