Every time, we move further along in life. There will always be obstacles, trials, and distractions. We are not walking this life without a cross to bear. And it can be daunting and discouraging. It’s hard, because just as you feel you’re drawing closer to the blessing. Something or should I say someone, knocks you off course. Much like in the single season. Which seems to be taking a long time. Can put a damper on your hope of ever meeting finding love. Sometimes, it feels like we’re trapped.
I can come off as courageous and brave. Looks like I have it altogether. Some say, I’ve master patience and being single. What many don’t see, is I go through periods where waiting isn’t easy. My truth, it’s heartbreaking. Walking into my apartment alone, lying on the bed alone, or seeing romance blossom All. Around. Me. Well it’s not easy to bare. What’s worst? When your past keeps catching up with you. Two of my exes showed back up, one is as I like to call him, “Social Media surveillance”. The other, wants to make it work, but I keep asking myself why. All within the timeframe of vulnerability, where I don’t feel strong. My spiritual defenses have been down. The only way I can get through this, is with the help of God. I’m desperate for God to step in and take over.
These past couple of weeks have been difficult. There’s a void heavy in my heart. Its painful. But God is in control. At least that’s what I keep telling myself. Frankly, my faith has been stumbling, at least in the waiting period. I know nothing happens without Gods knowledge. But God when is it coming? I’m forcing myself to focus on Him, because I know comfort and peace is gained only from God. I take this to prayer, unload all of my feelings, even if that means I have to cry it out. I just give it all to God, seeking His help in this situation. Rescue my heart, Lord! Filling my heart with the truth and surrounding myself with people who love me. I lose my sorrows by serving others.
I can’t give into these two distractions. I have to wait on God to see what He is doing. What’s the purpose of all this? My flesh is weak, and it’s more likely I’ll give into my flesh. I can’t make sound decisions when my defenses are down. I need to refuel my spirit. Which means, I have to give God control, surrender. Yes, I mean surrender. Some of my tactics involve; prayer, worship music, searching through scriptures, and meditation (usually God points me to a verse). You can keep a few verses handy on your phone or in a small notebook to pray throughout the day. Sometimes our spirit is weak, defenseless and opposition can feel heavy.
My heart is thirsty and God can only quench my thirst. Physically, I do desire to be in love, but it’s coming when God is ready. I can’t force love to happen. I want the organic love, and no, not the fairytale. Gods love is far greater. He wants to give me the love of my life, the one He’s prepared. If I make it happen, by my will, or go ahead of God, it’s a partial blessing. When God isn’t in it, it’s an incomplete blessing. I am putting my complete trust in God. You hear that, God. It’s all on you to make the love connection. I have no say in who you choose as my husband. He has it all under control. I do have control over how I respond to distractions. I am putting them to the side and resting in the Father.
Plus, I’ve witness throughout my life, where God has turn situations around. Whether He closed a door or remove someone from my life. It is all for a greater purpose, not to hinder you. God is righteous and He wants the absolute best for all of us. But it’s about waiting, meaning He’s teaching us how to be patient. It’s not easy to do, but the reward is so much sweeter.
God is the Author and Finisher.
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